My Dilema.....

For all of you who know me real well you know that I get slightly bored very quickly with my hair…. I have come to the conclusion of trying to grow my hair back out is nearly impossible. I just cant handle it once it gets to a certain length! I start to lose my own mind.

So i know your thinking...what no way! Basically i like the simpson cut with the color style of Jess from the rock of love first season...but NOT the blonde and pink. but a dark color with a blonde...or something fun! Comments...welcome

What I am liking

What I’m liking Wednesday

Even though today started out a little on the sad end I still tried to find some beauty in today!

 ALl of these cute ideas were found on pinterest which is my new found addiction! I'm going to be upset because i didn't crop the stuff out but truthfully im getting sleepy! 

It's pretty quiet around here tonight, my man left this morning & my puppy is with his grandparents....im not real sure i like this quietness. To get my little prince man tomorrow after work is where you can find me tomorrow! 

Goodnight all!

These are just a few little things that i found last night while playing around on Pinterest that kind of sum up the feelings running through me lately.

Just a few little signs of what im thinking today! Yes.. I know it’s a lot

Have a happy Wednesday everyone!

Confidence, Grace, Beauty

WAS I wired this way?

Every morning when I wake up and drag myself out of my overly warm bed, I think The Lord created this day and I am lucky enough to be waking up to live it.

Let’s see what today has in store.

The other morning I was playing around of facebook and I came across a blog from my high school basketball coaches daughter. When I was playing basketball I saw her as this gorgeous basketball star. Who I thought was full confidence and grace in life and on the basketball court. She is now grown, married and has two beautiful children. But this blog she posted goes to show how everyone really feels on the inside, even though others see it very differently. Thanks Diana, you made me realize some things I wasn’t aware of about myself.

Since I was a little girl I have never been the most confident person, the prettiest, smartest, I even have quite a few blonde moments (even though imp a brunette). I wasn’t the sports star or the homecoming queen, but I did have my own little niche. I was raised in the country with a very loving family who pushed me to the limit and where I learned nothing but hard work. I raised many animals and even all through my life I showed animals and even decided I would judge and run for FFA president in high school. I spent most of my time in the Ag barn working on whatever project was most important at the time. But I also spent 40 + hours at work a week.

So where does my confidence lits ...obviously it doesn’t lie on the outside. It must lie deep, deep inside where I have to wake up and search for it each day. Don’t get me wrong I do feel like I have many accomplishments for my age. Yes, I do feel like, for a 21 year old girl who has already graduated with a certification that I wake up loving everyday, and a recent owner of my very own, adorable little house that will only become more AWESOME with time. I still don’t really know where my true confidence lies. I wake up some days feeling like the most beautiful girl in the world...but most days I think goodness how will I get through this day without worrying about some aspect of my life. Whether it is my family, my finances, jobs, my friends, my man- and all the things that come with him, I KNOW I will worry about something. Who, where, why does this problem exist? I guess I am figuring out each day that I am the problem. I worry too much, but im not sure how to stop it. My worrying affects my everyday life.
I have major trust issues to due many things in the past and I can turn one little thing into something that I can be upset about for days. This is one of my biggest flaws and I wish for anything that I can change it. My not trusting people really puts a damper on many things. I am bad to look for faults in others that someone else once got me with. I try everyday to over come this horrible habit. But im tired of being hurt the same way each time. I know im not perfect but I do wake up everyday being as true to others as a I am to my ownself because I want the same treatment from others.

I am always trying to make people happy, or do things for them, or just make them more important in my life than I actually make myself. Where does this get me, no where? But once again its part of my nature, the routine of my everyday life. I just want to be important, and yes I know I am important to many people, but this is on a different level...gashhh listen to me whining. I didn’t get any sleep last night due to a new crating process im trying with my two year old miniature pinscher. IM SLEEPY and i need a nap.

BUT, really this is all something that has just been on my mind and I guess the only real way to fix it is pray about it. So if you cant find me today, tomorrow, or the next year well im trying to figure it out and pray that all my choices ive made here lately are for my best interest and its really as important to the other person as it is to me. 


Maybe one day ill find my confidence, grace, beauty for me. Not for anyone else.

Roller Coaster Ride

It’s a Roller Coaster Ride

The past month has been such an eye opener for me.  I never saw myself here. Lying on my couch with my sweet princer dog, watching my TV, in my own 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. I have worked my whole life to do great things. Things that I along with my family could be proud of. But if you would have told me a year ago that I would already be here, id have laughed in your face. Not because the thought didn’t cross my mind but I was in such a different place than I am now. I pictured myself already being married. But guess what I’m not. My mama always said when I was younger I didn’t need to get married before I lived my life for myself. Well guess what mama I think I’m doing it…All by myself. I proved to myself and everyone else that I don’t in fact need someone else to take care of me. There is a special person very near and dear to my heart. It’s a work in progress on an unknown road. But I’m happy and I’ll take it. I’m tired of worrying about who, what, when, how, why. This life is about me and the people I love and god will show me who, what, when, now and even why. I know that I haven’t always made choices the way that they see fit. But this is my life and ill give anyone or anything a fight, chance, help if I see fit. I might have gotten burned but one day I won’t get burned for having a big helping heart. No one can ever say that I don’t have my own opinion because I’ll let you know anytime you need. My new adventure that I have begun has already been incredible. I enjoy working on the house and having a place to call my own. I am proud of it and myself. I will continue to pour my heart and hard work into it. It’s already been so much fun! I love my project, my life, and my new adventure down a little road….even though I don’t know where I’m going. But for once I’m ok with it.

Now until next time you can find me riding my own personal roller coaster!

Song of the day

Can't Trust Myself

Here you stand at my front door again
Everything inside me wants to let you in
You know I'd like to believe it'd be different this time
well my hearts saying yes but i know in the back of my mind

(Chorus)
That my hearts kind of prone to not telling the truth
Can't help but be decieving when it comes to you
my feet run to you when i try to walk away
my lips always betray me always begging you to stay
my eyes see the angel that I want you to be
my ears believe the promises that you'll never keep
I'm damned if I don't
I'm damned if i do
I can't trust myself with you

your not trying to hurt me girl I know
I'm just your come down place to go
and when your lonely I know you believe what you say
and my head knows whats best the rest of me gets in the way

(Chorus)
That my hearts kind of prone to not telling the truth
Can't help but be decieving when it comes to you
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
my feet run to you when i try to walk away
my lips always betray me always begging you to stay
my eyes see the angel that I want you to be
my ears believe the promises that you'll never keep
I'm damned if I don't
I'm damned if i do
I can't trust myself with you

You know I'd like to believe it'd be different this time
well my hearts saying yes and i know in the back of my mind

(Chorus)
That my hearts kind of prone to not telling the truth
Can't help but be decieving when it comes to you
my feet run to you when i try to walk away
my lips always betray me always begging you to stay
my eyes see the angel that I want you to be
my ears believe the promises that you'll never keep
I'm damned if I don't
I'm damned if i do
I can't trust myself with you
I can't trust myself with you

My rant....

Whelp....
This will make for a good one.
I am stubborn
Hard headed
If I'm wrong by goodness you will know it because I'll tell you
I have two amazing jobs
The best friends in the whole world
My family is Kick ass
No matter who agrees with me I do follow my heart
The majority of the time the disagrees are right
I give everyone benefit of the doubt
I AM SO TIRED OF DRAMA FILLED, WHINY GAME PLAYERS WHO CAN'T ADMIT THERE FAULTS
GROW UP, no ones gonna hold your hand anymore.
Lets please get one thing straight if you are occupying space in my life you better know that I love you and appreciate you an enjoy having you in my life! You wouldn't be here for no reason. To the ones who don't understand this concept. Learn it.
We are adults! No more hand holding!!!!
I am sick drama and anything affiliated with it.
I'm a big girl, in the big girl world and I don't have time and refuse to make time for it.
Also know that if you are in my life, I will be there no matter when, what time, or for anythig you need. Your important to me and I'll help anyway possible. I will give our friendship/relationship all I can give and I will make sure I'm putting forth effort all the time.
To the males in my life- now or later if I give you so much as my attention you can go ahead and promise yourself that I care. And that I will give you anything I can to make you happy. I do request the same in return. I won't play your stupid games. Once again I'm a big girl. Chances are you may just be my friend but I will still be there for you as well. If you are more than a friend I will be once until you Hurt me at which point in time I will show you my hidden colors that I save for such special occasions.I do forgive to easily but chances are there are no more second chances coming in the near future. You've been Warned. Also get this straight I DON'T NEED YOU. If you in my life I want you there. I am independent and I can fin for myself. I definitely didnt get this far relying on all the ones who are all the same
And let me down.
Ok I'm off my soap box.
Chances are any of you actually reading this it only pertains to because your my friends! You haven't done anything wrong. The ppl who should read it will probably never see it. But ohwell it's off my chest...still somewhat lingering in my heart but atlases maybe I'll sleep!
Until next time goodnight all!